The Day After Yesterday
So I failed the bar. Well, actually I failed one bar exam and am waiting for another one to come in, but I live and work in the state that I failed in already, so this one counted the most. I googled around looking for support from likeminded bar failures like myself, but didn't find much, so I thought I would create a blog for others who have failed the bar, or fear failing the bar, or fear failing the bar a second time (like me).
Actually, my first thought is that waiting for bar results is much worse than actually failing, or "not passing" as I like to call it. The waiting is awful once you know what day the results are going to be posted, or have an "approximate day" of posting, which is the most evil trick the bar examiners could ever pull. You think you know, but you have no idea when they are actually going to post in certain states, so people incessantly check for days up to the "drop dead" date waiting to be overcome with emotion everytime they refresh the site.
When I checked, I honestly was shocked. I double and triple checked the number to make sure it was right. I still kind of hold out hope that when I get my mailed score, its wrong and that I actually passed :) but I know I am just in the denial stage. I have yet to shed one tear about this, however, which is pretty incredible I think, but that's just how I roll.
After I found out, I called my closest friends, took a hot shower, and then drove around aimlessly until someone met up with me for food. I had just come back from a run when I found out, so I was gross and hungry, and I am glad that I did eat something because I think I would have felt way worse if I didn't.
Amazingly, I slept decently last night, though I of course dreamt about failing and woke up to remember it was really true. I called my friend who failed in another state and commiserated a little bit and then headed into work, even though when I first woke up I did not want to go in at all. I am a law clerk for a judge, so coming to work was not the most fun I've ever had but also was not the worst thing ever. I figured that the Judge would be most impressed if someone failed but still had the guts to come into work and fess up to all of their friends, co-workers, other law clerks, attorneys AND judges, and then be so impressed with my performance that he forgot that I "didn't pass." I don't know if he forgot, but he was nice as can be about the whole thing and gave me some words of encouragement without dwelling on it, so I didn't feel like a total loser.
Tonight we have a judicial reception to go to, which is like the Lion's Den of all Lion's Dens if you fail the bar THAT DAY to have to walk into, but I don't think it will be all that bad because there are other clerks going who I am friends with so I am sure they will keep me relatively entertained. I can have a drink or two and then cut out because I am sure my Judge will not want to stay late, so maybe I'll make it home in time for LOST.
The worst thing about failing is knowing you have to take and pass the exam again in order to actually practice AFTER you've already done the above mentioned things and are working. But the best thing is finding out who still loves you and supports you when you feel like your life has no meaning and all your hard work is for naught and that you are now dumber than the idiot they tell you about in BarBri who still passes the bar. I just hope they continue to stick by me as I gear up to take it all over again....
Actually, my first thought is that waiting for bar results is much worse than actually failing, or "not passing" as I like to call it. The waiting is awful once you know what day the results are going to be posted, or have an "approximate day" of posting, which is the most evil trick the bar examiners could ever pull. You think you know, but you have no idea when they are actually going to post in certain states, so people incessantly check for days up to the "drop dead" date waiting to be overcome with emotion everytime they refresh the site.
When I checked, I honestly was shocked. I double and triple checked the number to make sure it was right. I still kind of hold out hope that when I get my mailed score, its wrong and that I actually passed :) but I know I am just in the denial stage. I have yet to shed one tear about this, however, which is pretty incredible I think, but that's just how I roll.
After I found out, I called my closest friends, took a hot shower, and then drove around aimlessly until someone met up with me for food. I had just come back from a run when I found out, so I was gross and hungry, and I am glad that I did eat something because I think I would have felt way worse if I didn't.
Amazingly, I slept decently last night, though I of course dreamt about failing and woke up to remember it was really true. I called my friend who failed in another state and commiserated a little bit and then headed into work, even though when I first woke up I did not want to go in at all. I am a law clerk for a judge, so coming to work was not the most fun I've ever had but also was not the worst thing ever. I figured that the Judge would be most impressed if someone failed but still had the guts to come into work and fess up to all of their friends, co-workers, other law clerks, attorneys AND judges, and then be so impressed with my performance that he forgot that I "didn't pass." I don't know if he forgot, but he was nice as can be about the whole thing and gave me some words of encouragement without dwelling on it, so I didn't feel like a total loser.
Tonight we have a judicial reception to go to, which is like the Lion's Den of all Lion's Dens if you fail the bar THAT DAY to have to walk into, but I don't think it will be all that bad because there are other clerks going who I am friends with so I am sure they will keep me relatively entertained. I can have a drink or two and then cut out because I am sure my Judge will not want to stay late, so maybe I'll make it home in time for LOST.
The worst thing about failing is knowing you have to take and pass the exam again in order to actually practice AFTER you've already done the above mentioned things and are working. But the best thing is finding out who still loves you and supports you when you feel like your life has no meaning and all your hard work is for naught and that you are now dumber than the idiot they tell you about in BarBri who still passes the bar. I just hope they continue to stick by me as I gear up to take it all over again....
posted by JD at 2:00 PM
2 Comments:
I learned last week that I failed the bar exam. I was looking for a blog to read about another's failure experience, and I found yours. Thank you.
I just found out I failed and feel totally alone. I'm grateful for this. And grateful to find out that, 5 years later, you're better.
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