Taking Pride in Failing

Overall, since I got the news, I've been pretty o.k. with failing the bar. I think I posted this earlier, but I wanted to be proud of how I handled the failing since I couldn't (yet) be proud of passing, and it has helped thus far to have that mindset.

Ironically, I found out yesterday that one of my best friends emailed my other best friend to talk about how "even keeled" I've been with the whole situation. She thinks I'm taking it "too well" and that is making her worry even more about me. My other good friend (who passed) told me she couldn't believe how poised and stoic I've been, and if it had been her she would not have made it. And I've heard of other friends, who failed this time around who won't even speak to their significant others, let alone friends, because they are so miserable.

I have been so proud of myself in viewing this as an obstacle and not a failure. But today, I finally felt the sadness when I saw the list of names posted on both states and figured out that many of the people I graduated with passed. It also hurt to figure out that I missed it by such a small margin. I know now what I have to do to pass -improve my MBE score- but a little piece of me regrets that I couldn't do it the first time around like everyone else. And everyone else getting sworn in by their judges or at the swearing in ceremonies and not me.

I know, poor me. But at least my two best friends finally got a little tear out of me....