It's over
So the bar exam is over for the second time.
It feels different to be done this time. When the exams were over, I was not really happy, not really sad, not really anything. Indifferent, really. Someone told me that taking it this time around would be just like another day at the office after studying all that time, which it sort of was. The last week had its ups and downs. I was very nervous up to the last weekend, and then I hit a plateau and realized I just needed to get as much done as possible.
The day before I studied, then went to see a movie, and then went to bed super early. I knew if I could get enough sleep, I'd be in good shape, which I was. I wasn't really nervous, because I did know what to expect and a lot of that inner anxiety went away. I was more nervous that I would not execute the exam the way that I wanted to, and so I just tried to stay as focused as possible throughout the whole thing. I felt better- it was still hard, but I felt much more prepared to take it this time, and I felt like I have a better shot at doing better.
The second day I was more nervous, but calmed down once the test started. The last essay before the lunch break was really tough, and it kind of threw me for a loop, but I knew I had figured out the right subject and hit a couple of points. I braced myself for the afternoon, thinking it was going to be harder, and it was hard, but it wasn't as bad as that last essay in the morning.
It was kind of embarrassing to see people I knew at the test and tell people I hadn't passed, but when I realized that a lot of people hadn't also, it wasn't so bad. I just put it behind me and started fresh with this test, which I felt better about. The failing still stayed with me, made me more mad, anxious and bitter about studying, but also made me study harder and try to do my very best. And I think I did.
And now, I wait. Two and a half months. I think this by far will be the worst, and I think that the checking of the results will be harder than taking the exam.
It feels different to be done this time. When the exams were over, I was not really happy, not really sad, not really anything. Indifferent, really. Someone told me that taking it this time around would be just like another day at the office after studying all that time, which it sort of was. The last week had its ups and downs. I was very nervous up to the last weekend, and then I hit a plateau and realized I just needed to get as much done as possible.
The day before I studied, then went to see a movie, and then went to bed super early. I knew if I could get enough sleep, I'd be in good shape, which I was. I wasn't really nervous, because I did know what to expect and a lot of that inner anxiety went away. I was more nervous that I would not execute the exam the way that I wanted to, and so I just tried to stay as focused as possible throughout the whole thing. I felt better- it was still hard, but I felt much more prepared to take it this time, and I felt like I have a better shot at doing better.
The second day I was more nervous, but calmed down once the test started. The last essay before the lunch break was really tough, and it kind of threw me for a loop, but I knew I had figured out the right subject and hit a couple of points. I braced myself for the afternoon, thinking it was going to be harder, and it was hard, but it wasn't as bad as that last essay in the morning.
It was kind of embarrassing to see people I knew at the test and tell people I hadn't passed, but when I realized that a lot of people hadn't also, it wasn't so bad. I just put it behind me and started fresh with this test, which I felt better about. The failing still stayed with me, made me more mad, anxious and bitter about studying, but also made me study harder and try to do my very best. And I think I did.
And now, I wait. Two and a half months. I think this by far will be the worst, and I think that the checking of the results will be harder than taking the exam.
posted by JD at 5:55 PM
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