T Minus 2 Weeks
I am dying. I am not working so I am less tired, but I am mentally dying. The monotony of doing problems over and over again, coupled with the lack of social interaction, might kill me. I am depressed. I am pissed off. I feel alone, isolated, miserable. I don't know if its even worth it. I just want a life back. I want to get my hair cut. I want to paint my nails. I want to dust my room. I want to do anything but study.
Some people have been SO supportive, and some that I thought would be the most supportive are not. That is what I think hurts me the most- when your two best friends just up and disappear when the going gets rough, it kind of makes you question why you think of them as your best friends.
Studying at the law school has been pretty miserable. Most people there are awkward and ask, "so why are you here on the middle of a work day?" and you have to say, "oh i am studying for the bar, I just missed it by a couple points..." and put on the smile, as if nothing is really all that bad when really you know they know you failed and are just making you feel worse for having to retell it. One of my professors was like, "didn't you graduate?" and I wanted to say, "Yes, asshole, but I failed the bar. Thanks for being too stupid to realize that." But I guess it could be a complement in that no one thinks that I could have possibly failed? In any case, while its nice and quiet, there are still a ton of people I don't want to see there and pretty much none that I do, so I'd rather keep a low profile.
But I really am trying to stay positive. I thought I would die today doing the Barbri Contracts Advanced questions, but I didn't, though I think now I will switch to essays and outline reading for the rest of the night. I did better on the Barbri practice test than I did the last time around and I hadn't gone over two subjects so that is good. I feel positive overall, but studying sometimes makes me feel like I am treading water just to keep from drowning, but with no guarantee that I won't still eventually drown...
Misery. Sheer, utter, complete misery. I feel like my brain is being pulled into "A Million Little Pieces"- except my memoir would say:
study.
eat.
study.
eat.
study.
study.
misery.
HATE.
MISERY.
sleep.
study.
eat.
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.
Some people have been SO supportive, and some that I thought would be the most supportive are not. That is what I think hurts me the most- when your two best friends just up and disappear when the going gets rough, it kind of makes you question why you think of them as your best friends.
Studying at the law school has been pretty miserable. Most people there are awkward and ask, "so why are you here on the middle of a work day?" and you have to say, "oh i am studying for the bar, I just missed it by a couple points..." and put on the smile, as if nothing is really all that bad when really you know they know you failed and are just making you feel worse for having to retell it. One of my professors was like, "didn't you graduate?" and I wanted to say, "Yes, asshole, but I failed the bar. Thanks for being too stupid to realize that." But I guess it could be a complement in that no one thinks that I could have possibly failed? In any case, while its nice and quiet, there are still a ton of people I don't want to see there and pretty much none that I do, so I'd rather keep a low profile.
But I really am trying to stay positive. I thought I would die today doing the Barbri Contracts Advanced questions, but I didn't, though I think now I will switch to essays and outline reading for the rest of the night. I did better on the Barbri practice test than I did the last time around and I hadn't gone over two subjects so that is good. I feel positive overall, but studying sometimes makes me feel like I am treading water just to keep from drowning, but with no guarantee that I won't still eventually drown...
Misery. Sheer, utter, complete misery. I feel like my brain is being pulled into "A Million Little Pieces"- except my memoir would say:
study.
eat.
study.
eat.
study.
study.
misery.
HATE.
MISERY.
sleep.
study.
eat.
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.
posted by JD at 5:15 PM
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