Most recent update and a few answers

Hi Everyone,
I probably should check this blog more than once a year. But it bears mentioning why I haven't- BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT I FAILED THE BAR. That's right. I forgot. And if you are reading this because you just found out that you failed- know that 7 years later- you too will probably have forgotten about it as impossible as that notion is at the moment. Life changes- things happen and whether you pass or fail- it won't define what's to come in the future. It just won't. Life is so much bigger than law school, or even your job as an attorney. This isn't the thing that you are haunted about years later. Trust me- I thought I would be haunted forever, and I'm just not. Maybe because I overcame it? Or maybe I just got over it. Either way, I don't think about often, if ever. My friends who failed and then later passed- I guarantee that they don't think about it often either. One of them now has the BEST job ever- in house with a major corporation, about to get married... it definitely didn't adversely affect her long term. And remember that Hillary Clinton failed the bar the first time around- do you think she's jetting around the globe as Secretary of State years later, thinking that she isn't good enough because she failed?

My life is going well at the moment- I am still happily married and am a stay home with my kid full time now and it's more satisfying and harder than practicing law ever was for me. I see my friends who practice and think that there is almost nothing that could probably get me back to the place I was as a nervous law clerk studying for the bar again, or as an attorney, worried every second about hours and memos and my partners breathing down my neck. I think law school is probably the biggest ponzi scheme ever created. You pay to keep law schools in business, to keep professors in high paying cushy jobs without actually having to practice law, and essentially to keep the cycle going on and on and on.....

But I digress. I was going to say that life is going well at the moment, but the second half of 2011 pretty much sucked for me for reasons not related to failing the bar. My husband had problems in his job, we had to move, I had to go back to work and we had to deal with some illnesses etc.. all the real life problems that you hear about but don't understand til you acutally go through them. In fact, the only time I thought about failing the bar was when things were so bad that I could only compare it to my feelings about failure- and that feeling of sheer terror about what the hell I was going to do if I never passed- and at least attempt to lean on whatever it was that got me through that. So chances are even if you fail the bar- it won't be the worst thing that happens to you, unfortunately- but you can use your experience to help you through whatever you have to go through in the future and again survive.

Now for a couple of answers to comments I just am now seeing. First, I checked and it looks like thestudygroup.com was bought by Kaplan- which is another awful development and ponzi scheme, because they seem to have done away with just the MBE only portions and make you pay $700. Another ponzi scheme. Anyway, besides scouring the internet for other studygroup type things, my only advice is that you should just use whatever MBE questions you can get your hands on- really the formulas for the questions are always the same and even old questions can be helpful and get you used to taking the MBE. The key is really just doing as many questions as you can get your hands on.

Second, if you are clerking and find out you fail- ask your Judge if you can take some time off just before the bar to really study. I would study on the weekends and at night, and then I took 2 weeks off before the exam and then the actual days of the exam to pass. My Judge was awesome about it and I would think most are. For those of you with kids- my hats are off to you. I didn't have one then, but I suppose now I would study during naptimes and at night and whenever I could get someone to watch the kids- but I think again making sure you have uninterrupted time just before the exam is crucial.

Let's see it's almost April, which means February results will be coming soon... good luck to those first time and retakers! I hope for the best for all of you. And am so so so glad this blog helps and continues to help some of you from not feeling so alone while going through this. Another blessing that came with failing. Just remember- you can do it! If I can anyone can!!!

Good luck!

Update

Hi Everyone,

Wow, I haven't checked this in a long time, and I apologize to those who have left comments that I didn't respond to. Lots has happened in my life, and all good things, so that is why I have been slack.

First and foremost- I passed that bar exam I was studying for :) It made me feel really good- It was a harder bar exam than most and I hadn't studied in a few years (if you recall my previous post) so I was pretty nervous. This time, I didn't use barbri and I loved my study aids. I used the http://www.thestudygroup.com/ CD for multi-state prep (yes i had to take that MBE AGAIN!) and www.baroutlines.com for state specific outlines. I spent maybe $300 total? And I thought these aids were much better than the barbri or PMBR. Study Group method worked for me because after each question, you are told the correct answer and why each one is right or wrong (something that PMBR and Barbri sometimes fail to do). The state specific outlines were condensed but somehow contained everything that was tested.

The day I found out I passed, I was on the phone with my mom and got the letter in the mail (since I am not originally from this state and didn't know anyone else taking the exam, I didn't know when the results would be posted online, so I ended up getting the letter before I ever checked). I just opened the letter without mentioning it to her, assuming the worst, and midway through conversation suddenly yelled, "OMG I passed the bar!!" It was pretty funny and felt AWESOME that I passed a hard exam.

Since then, I got married, moved, and became a mom. I work part-time and am overall liking life these days- and it's nice to read these posts and see how far I've come. I also have realized I am not crazy about the law, so it is kind of disheartening to remember how hard I worked and how bad I felt about something that in retrospect, maybe wasn't the career I will have forever. But I do feel like studying for the bar prepared me for MANY challenges in life that are far greater (even childbirth) and I will always feel good that I overcame the challenge a few times.

If you are just coming across this blog because you found out that you failed the bar, as it seems a few of you are- please know that it can work out in the long run! Do not lose hope! Study HARD- focus and know it is going to be super challenging but that you can pass. Do NOT let it define who you are. When I first failed, I thought my life was over and it was the ONLY thing I could think of- almost 5 years later, life is so different and better in ways that I could not have imagined then and yours will be too!

Good Luck to Feb bar takers!

I just wanted to stop in and wish everyone taking the Feb 09 bar good luck! I am taking yet another exam and not looking forward to it. Though I have been studying, I still feel woefully unprepared. I haven't studied much of the state specific subjects and have instead been focusing on MBE stuff- which is a gamble I am not sure will pay off next week! If any of you guys have suggestions on how to cram for that last week, I'd love to hear them!

For those of you out there who are multiple re-takers- take heart! Remember this is not your whole life and not what defines you as a person. It's just a test. As someone who has always had trouble with the bar, the sad reality is that practicing law is just not that fun and not worth all this trouble! Some people battle with food addiction, drug addiction, alcohol addiction- we battle with bar exam addiction and the need to PASS- and then PASS again!

For people who asked if you needed to be barred to get job offers in NJ, I would say that is pretty much true in ANY state, unfortunately. Most places you need to be barred so that it doesn't look like you are practicing law without a license, and many firms won't hire JDs without licenses. Nowadays, with the bad economy, this is even more true. But no worries! If you do pass, you are pretty much guaranteed to find a job- it may not be one you like, or one that pays a lot, but you will. And you will move up from there!

GOOD LUCK! Stay calm, and be happy that in a week and a half, you won't have to study until at least May :)

Two Years, One Fiance, and Another Failed Bar Exam..

So I am revisiting this blog and realizing that while I thought no one was reading it, turns out, people did- just a year or two later :). I am reading some comments and thought you deserved an update.

First, I did not pass NY the second time. I truly didn't care- at least I told myself that. Work had sucked me into a black hole so I did not have much time to dwell on it. Fast forward a couple years. I fall in love, get engaged, decide to take another bar just in case we want to relocate. I take CA. I fail again.

Today I signed up for ANOTHER bar in another state. You'd think I'd know better. But I know in my heart that I can pass-I just have to devote myself entirely to the process (as I am reminded by this blog) and REALLY want to pass- in order to do it. That and working, studying, and having a life are new challenges to overcome. But that is what life is all about. New challenges that we always have to overcome. So for those of you reading that failed- you will pass. Really. And then you will have to be ready to do it all over again in some other way.

Third time around...

So the NY bar exam results come out on Tuesday, and I took it for the second time in July. I didn't really care one way or the other while I was taking it, and I still feel the same about it. It was damn hard. The essays were not so bad as the the dreaded MBE, which I think might have been the hardest one I've taken out of the last three. I don't think my brain could have handled more studying and I don't think I could have been better prepared so we'll just have to hope I passed. If I didn't, that's ok. I am admitted in one state and that is just fine with me. I already am an Esq. If I do pass, I hope I will get some kind of bonus at work, though I don't know that I will.

Working as an attorney now as opposed to being a law clerk is a lot harder and a lot longer hours. I used to think I'd take as many bar exams as possible but now I just don't think I have it in me, at least not right now. But I do think that I could pass it again- I just would have to set my mind to it and I will pass.

Also- two of my friends who failed in Feb. the first time passed this time around in NJ, so I am very happy for them. After they failed in Feb, they asked me what I did to pass and I sat with them and plotted their study schedule, and I like to think it helped ;) All I can emphasize is the MBE- really nothing is more important than that. But I don't know if that will help in NY. I'll let you know on Tues.

Reinventing the Wheel

Postscript:

So, It's been a week and a half since I passed, and I am still relatively floating around on cloud 9. I got my chutzpah back, or something. I still have no job, but I don't care. I'll stand on the street being a homeless lawyer, representing all my brethren homeless people.

But the best thing to report is that I don't know any, not a single one, of repeat bar takers that failed again. Every person I know that failed the first time, passed the second time around. And I know quite a few people who failed. Pretty interesting, no? I don't know how that worked out, but every single person passed. I am so thrilled!

In other news, I am studying again. Since I failed two bar exams the first time around, I figured I'd give both another shot, just in different sittings to increase my chances of passing. The first time, this strategy worked, so I am hoping for lightning to strike twice.

Studying is overall a boring, monotonous and mundane thing, as I've said NUMEROUS times. But now that I am studying for the third time for the MBE, I have found an interesting (for incredibly anal, study nerds like me) thing. I just finished studying for the Feb. bar approximately 3 months ago. This is a good thing because a lot of the stuff is still fresh in my mind.

Now here is the weird thing: because I am incredibly anal, I wrote all my answers to the practice MBE questions on pieces of paper and kept them from the last time I studied. I just did my first set of questions, and compared them (because i am crazy) and I notice two things- 1) I am doing better than the last time I did these questions and 2) in an interesting brain study, out of the ones I got wrong (which are fewer this time) HALF of them I ALSO got wrong the last time. More succinctly, I am getting the some of the SAME questions wrong, despite having studied this stuff upside down and inside out the last time around and making note of the ones I got wrong last time so as not to get them wrong on the real test.

Weird, huh?

And....

PASSED

I screamed. I jumped. I made my sister check it twice to make sure I read it right. The # below and above were either FAILED or HELD (what the hell does that mean???) so I had to double take to make sure mine was right.

I called my parents who also screamed. I called my friends. I screamed some more. I can't stop yelling, "I PASSED THE BAR!"

Then I went for a run, because ironically most of my friends are taking ICLE right now (the continunation of law school) and are in class. The first half of the run I felt like Rocky, running and conquering and the second half I cried the whole way. I just kept thinking about everyone who helped me along the way and I couldn't even see.

I just can't believe it. I think it is a dream. Pinch me.

Avoidance

The results are up, but I can't bring myself to check them. Everytime I think I've convinced myself to do it, I don't have the actual courage to do it. I have talked myself up and then i back down. I don't know how on earth I even did it the first time.

Sigh Sigh Sigh Sigh. I need to look up being paralyzed by fear.