Depression

So, things are at a standstill. Waiting for bar results the second time around is, I think, worse than the first, mainly because planning for the future is next to impossible. The first time around, everyone just assumes you will pass the bar, so they are more willing to talk to you about jobs etc. The second time around, every firm you apply to knows you did NOT pass the first time around and probably rejects you out of hand just for that reason.

I just wish I knew one way or the other, which bar exam I am going to take in July, if any. I won't find out until mid-May and either way you slice it, its tough to make plans knowing you will probably have to study AGAIN for the bar and your life will suck once again. I am thinking of postponing a second state until Februrary just because fewer people take it then, the weather sucks and it is much easier to study then, but that might foreclose some job prospects I might have otherwise. Of course, its not like I'd be admitted until November anyway, and then it won't matter if I took NY or not for whatever job I have then because I will have to have taken some job by then. The only thing I can really tell employers is that I took another bar another time.

Right now, I am leaning towards not taking it, because I am trying to enjoy life again and have a summer for the first time in three years that isn't marred by law school or studying. I really liked studying in February anyway- it was much easier to concentrate and I feel like my chances of passing will be better then. Plus nothing happens between Jan. and Feb. anyway. I just can't wait to find out what I am going to be doing- although nothing is even as appealing as it once was.

I guess that is what being idle does to you.... and until then I will just sit and wait and wait and wait some more.