The Wait
This is I think the hardest part. The wait for the results. Right after the bar, you feel elated, happy that it is over, that you conquered something and completed a major hurdle. Yet now, as the days pass and real life resurfaces, it becomes harder to ignore a lot of facts.
First, I was elated and in a post-bar, must be active kind of mode, and I sent out a bunch of resumes. But now as I wait, I realize that because my resume does not a have an "Admitted, December 2005" portion, I am not getting perhaps as many calls as I'd hoped. The phone that I thought would be ringing off the hook remains silent.
The second reality is that of my debt. I have a lot of it, and pretty soon, I have to start paying it back. How on earth will I do that?
I know Rome wasn't built in a day, Nixon wasn't elected President the first time around, and I may not have passed the bar on the initial try, but as I wait to find out, and really, wait to move on with my life- I can't help but feel that anvil lowering back onto my shoulders- the one that landed as soon as I found out I failed and hovers, and descends, ever so slightly as we get closer and closer to the day.
I guess it also did not help that on the cover of the law journal today was an article about how 28% more people have failed the bar since 1995, and how much harder it usually is for people the second time around.
I often lose sight of how far I have come- that I have actually graduated from law school, and a pretty good one at that, and that I have a great clerkship and a amazing judge to learn from and a lot of options that maybe don't include the practice of law if things don't work out. But practice is my goal- and I know I can be good at it as long as I first pass that bar.
First, I was elated and in a post-bar, must be active kind of mode, and I sent out a bunch of resumes. But now as I wait, I realize that because my resume does not a have an "Admitted, December 2005" portion, I am not getting perhaps as many calls as I'd hoped. The phone that I thought would be ringing off the hook remains silent.
The second reality is that of my debt. I have a lot of it, and pretty soon, I have to start paying it back. How on earth will I do that?
I know Rome wasn't built in a day, Nixon wasn't elected President the first time around, and I may not have passed the bar on the initial try, but as I wait to find out, and really, wait to move on with my life- I can't help but feel that anvil lowering back onto my shoulders- the one that landed as soon as I found out I failed and hovers, and descends, ever so slightly as we get closer and closer to the day.
I guess it also did not help that on the cover of the law journal today was an article about how 28% more people have failed the bar since 1995, and how much harder it usually is for people the second time around.
I often lose sight of how far I have come- that I have actually graduated from law school, and a pretty good one at that, and that I have a great clerkship and a amazing judge to learn from and a lot of options that maybe don't include the practice of law if things don't work out. But practice is my goal- and I know I can be good at it as long as I first pass that bar.
posted by JD at 7:49 PM
1 Comments:
jd...did you pass the second time? I am awaiting my first time results in mid october (2007).
Teresa
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