It's over

So the bar exam is over for the second time.

It feels different to be done this time. When the exams were over, I was not really happy, not really sad, not really anything. Indifferent, really. Someone told me that taking it this time around would be just like another day at the office after studying all that time, which it sort of was. The last week had its ups and downs. I was very nervous up to the last weekend, and then I hit a plateau and realized I just needed to get as much done as possible.

The day before I studied, then went to see a movie, and then went to bed super early. I knew if I could get enough sleep, I'd be in good shape, which I was. I wasn't really nervous, because I did know what to expect and a lot of that inner anxiety went away. I was more nervous that I would not execute the exam the way that I wanted to, and so I just tried to stay as focused as possible throughout the whole thing. I felt better- it was still hard, but I felt much more prepared to take it this time, and I felt like I have a better shot at doing better.

The second day I was more nervous, but calmed down once the test started. The last essay before the lunch break was really tough, and it kind of threw me for a loop, but I knew I had figured out the right subject and hit a couple of points. I braced myself for the afternoon, thinking it was going to be harder, and it was hard, but it wasn't as bad as that last essay in the morning.

It was kind of embarrassing to see people I knew at the test and tell people I hadn't passed, but when I realized that a lot of people hadn't also, it wasn't so bad. I just put it behind me and started fresh with this test, which I felt better about. The failing still stayed with me, made me more mad, anxious and bitter about studying, but also made me study harder and try to do my very best. And I think I did.

And now, I wait. Two and a half months. I think this by far will be the worst, and I think that the checking of the results will be harder than taking the exam.

Celebrating my last weekend of study

Well, this is it. The last Saturday night I'll be home, cozied up with my hot dates, BarBri and PMBR. It's been a good run, but they know their time is ending.

I haven't posted much in the last two weeks because, well, i've obviously been studying. Studying is not so fun, but it has to be done. I'm at the point now where I'm finally finishing my last subject substantively, and then I have two or so days to just practice essays and maybe drill some more. Maybe do some more multiple choice questions. I kind of feel like I can't possibly do more, and then I start doing more again, but this time around I think I am legitimately going to stop studying the day before.

I've had many thoughts, too many to type now, about the last weeks, but in short- I've had a couple of panic attacks, two sleepless nights, been really mean to people, and now I'm finally settling in for the big days. I realize now that really it will just come down to how I do on the actual test days, and whether I can execute all my preparation. I've now spent 4 1/2 months in total studying this stuff, and there is really nothing left for me to do, but take the exam and this time, PASS.

ok, back to the books.

Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress

a. Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress (IIED)
i. Need outrageous conduct and as result severe distress by P (but not physical—can just be mental).
ii. Elements- need (1) outrageous conduct and (2) severe distress
1. Outrageous Conduct
a. The goal or purpose is to upset plaintiff—the focus is on what the means are to upset someone. So can use non-outrageous conduct to upset. Method employed matters.
i. Can be intentional or reckless conduct.[1]
b. Conduct is outrageous if it “exceeds all bounds of decency tolerated in a civilized society”—put in essay.
c. *NY- courts very reluctant to enforce this.
d. Mere insults- not outrageous by legal consensus.
e. No complete catalogue but plus factors (hallmarks) exist (not exhaustive):
i. Continuous or repetitive conduct—course of conduct.-if Visa called once in middle of night and cursed out once, not IIED, but if every night, then yes.
ii. D is common carrier or Innkeeper[2]- Duty to be very nice to guests/passengers historically so if act even a little mean its IIEDà if they sent up rat under plate instead of lunch, that is IIED because supposed to be nice
iii. Plaintiff is member of fragile class of persons-if came up to person on street and cursed out, would not be IIED—but if cursed out little 5-year old child, that would be outrageous. Elderly-if went up to woman on street and cursed out, that would be IIED. Pregnant woman- IIED but must know pregnant—cannot be 2 months pregnant.
1. Extreme Sensitivity- Putting rubber snake on co-workers chair- though terrible if has heart attack and EMT comes, that is an extreme sensitivity. Not outrageous unless knew about phobiaàif aim for psychological Achilles’ Heel, then it’s IIED—but major outrageous conduct is still essential here; having feelings hurt is not enough.[3]
2. Example of Superstitious Farmer with Hex-if got farmer to sell farm by putting Hex on it and that causes emotional distress, that is IIED.

2. Need Severe or Extreme Distress-no specific requirement; does not need physical symptoms; mild or momentary distress is not enough; cannot be just hurt feelings.
a. Emotional Distress could include - fright, horror, grief, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, anger, chagrin, disappointment, worry, and nausea.
b. Does not need to be objective-it is subjective standard for how upset get—not “reasonable person’s distress” but “distress of ______”
c. If knew of weakness, will get bumped up to outrageous.
d. Liability to a Third Person (family)- actor is subject to liability if he intentionally or recklessly causes severe emotional distress to a member of person’s immediate family who is present at the time—but if family member only later learns of outrageous conduct, that is inadequate.
i. If not a close family member, then P must suffer physical harm as where woman had a miscarriage due to seeing neighborhood kid get thrown into air by speeding car[4] or where man had heart attack because of stupid practical joke (tortious assault) with ax in sporting goods store.

[1] PMBR-Criminal Complaint Example- if PMBR were to file a criminal complaint against a student for entering lecture without paying and student is arrested despite fact that sent entire fee into PMBR immediately, then PMBR may be liable for IIED if it made no effort to inform the prosecutor that the registration fee had been paid in fullàthis could rise to outrageous conduct, even though not intentional (which is rare) because there is a high degree that the mental distress will follow (though not certain)àPMBR was reckless in its deliberate disregard by failing to notify police that criminal matter had been resolved.
[2] Common carrier is any transportation company; innkeeper is any lodging place
[3] Hurting feelings not enough for IIED- even where Dickie Mulehorse Nixon really loved Whittier College football, this extreme sensitivity is not enough to get to IIED if just say something like “you should transfer”—the conduct must be majorly outrageous.
[4] Issue there was whether a person could recover damages for harm resulting from shock caused solely by another’s peril or injury.

T Minus 2 Weeks

I am dying. I am not working so I am less tired, but I am mentally dying. The monotony of doing problems over and over again, coupled with the lack of social interaction, might kill me. I am depressed. I am pissed off. I feel alone, isolated, miserable. I don't know if its even worth it. I just want a life back. I want to get my hair cut. I want to paint my nails. I want to dust my room. I want to do anything but study.

Some people have been SO supportive, and some that I thought would be the most supportive are not. That is what I think hurts me the most- when your two best friends just up and disappear when the going gets rough, it kind of makes you question why you think of them as your best friends.

Studying at the law school has been pretty miserable. Most people there are awkward and ask, "so why are you here on the middle of a work day?" and you have to say, "oh i am studying for the bar, I just missed it by a couple points..." and put on the smile, as if nothing is really all that bad when really you know they know you failed and are just making you feel worse for having to retell it. One of my professors was like, "didn't you graduate?" and I wanted to say, "Yes, asshole, but I failed the bar. Thanks for being too stupid to realize that." But I guess it could be a complement in that no one thinks that I could have possibly failed? In any case, while its nice and quiet, there are still a ton of people I don't want to see there and pretty much none that I do, so I'd rather keep a low profile.

But I really am trying to stay positive. I thought I would die today doing the Barbri Contracts Advanced questions, but I didn't, though I think now I will switch to essays and outline reading for the rest of the night. I did better on the Barbri practice test than I did the last time around and I hadn't gone over two subjects so that is good. I feel positive overall, but studying sometimes makes me feel like I am treading water just to keep from drowning, but with no guarantee that I won't still eventually drown...

Misery. Sheer, utter, complete misery. I feel like my brain is being pulled into "A Million Little Pieces"- except my memoir would say:

study.
eat.
study.
eat.
study.
study.
misery.
HATE.
MISERY.
sleep.
study.
eat.
repeat.
repeat.
repeat.

Judges

The Judges also have been so understanding and supportive throughout this process, which is not something I expected since Judges can sometimes be intimidating, not understanding, and just too busy to think about things. My Judge has been great- he hasn't dwelled on the test though I know its in the back of his mind and when he does talk about it he always says, "you'll have no problems the next time around". Another Judge in our courthouse told me he keeps me in his prayers as he swims his daily laps on the list of people he runs through his head to pray for and pass the time. Another Judge told me he got a D in Con-Law during law school, which made me feel much much better.

I think a huge fear that people have about failing the bar is that no one will understand, when the inverse is true, EVERYONE understands and no one really seems to think less of you- or at least they don't let you know if they do!

Monotony

So I am done with work until the bar, and enter the world of monotonous study. Work was a nice diversion to studying, and now all I get to do is study. Although, since I've only done multiple choice problems up until this point, I think that I can start incorporating some essays and other "different forms of study" so that I don't kill myself, and I suppose its a nice break to not be at work even if I do have to study. I do love being a clerk, but sometimes its just emotionally draining to see the stuff we see, and it will be nice to take a break.

In terms of progress in studying, I think I am doing pretty well. I do all the Barbri questions, fuck them up, and then blow through the PMBR questions and feel pretty good about them. I am starting to see just multiples of every kind of question, which is good. Its no less boring.

Tonight I have decided to have dinner with a group of my friends, even though I probably should study, I figure since I literally have not attended one social gathering since New Years, its not a bad idea for sanity purposes. I also found out two of my friends are going to meet me after the first night of the bar just to have dinner with me, I think to keep me calm and relaxed.

I really do have good friends- so far I've gotten care packages, dinner, books, flowers, food, study graphs, flash cards, more books and study materials than I could possibly need. People have really stood by me through this whole ordeal, even after they stood by me through the first try. It's really comforting to know that you have friends and family who are there no matter what you do- and I sincerely hope that I am just as good of a friend.